Hey kids, friends, and fanatics. Well summer has arrived here at the home of the inverted cow and with it everything that I was having fun with on my last post has given me their best shot. So the theme song of this post is....
Stupid people rejoice
You divine leaders have been located!
Because of the agreement I have with the lawyers I cannot discuss any further details about the accusers of me. But let it be known they are all card carrying members of Stupid People Association of Canaduh! I was unaware that there was a special interest group for stupid people, and as such I am also no longer permitted to ask rhetorical questions as to when the government will allow the culling of the herd. So stupid people of Canaduh rest easy any further "threats" from me will come from the hands of the duly appointed individuals who govern this great country.
I would however give you fair warning, do not blink, do not move, do not do anything without being in full and excessive compliance with the laws of the land. If I see even the smallest of potential violations I will do to you as you have done to me. You had me charged with an offence that falls under the terrorist act of Canada, so your lie was one that held grave consequences. Since I deal with people of intelligence, and the court system does not normally employ stupid peoples. Everything was tossed in the trash. So now it is my turn! Buckle up bitches your ass is going to get plugged by every government office, every lawyer, every LEGAL and honest means I have at my fingertips to send your way.
If charging me with plotting a terrorist act was your best shot YOUR BEST WON'T DO!
Good by winter
With the sudden and abrupt arrival of summer, winter had absolutely no choice but to relinquish its grasp on the land. One day we have snow and within a week we had plus 20 degree days.
yes this was more snow in May
Seriously? Snow again?! make it stop now!
OUTSIDE NOW! Argg make the snow stop!
Man. If you DO NOT make it stop with the snow and let me outside right soon I am going to mess you up big time!
Yes I have survived the spring of 2013 and made it into summer with my sanity intact.
Sorry winter if hanging on all spring was your best shot....YOUR BEST WON'T DO!
Chicken Tails
With the arrival of summer I got the chicken pen set up, I tossed a small lean to shelter out there for them and put them into the yard. There was some adjustment issues and one of the chickens got hurt when she tangled with some wire during a escape attempt. She ended up in the slow cooker and was quite tasty. So now there are 8
Here are all 9 on moving day....
Drumstick
in the yard first
strutting his stuff
Milkshake
Pepper
Checking out the new digs
Salt
Asking where the chicks are
Marmalade
You said there would be food
Blondie
Yes we look alike...SO?
Hey is that thing moving?
Nugget
Don't look at me.
Copper
I am so sexy!
Pennie
But with that they also learned where the boundaries of the yard are and no more serious attempts have taken place. The roosters are getting a bit frisky with the poor chickens and therefore it may be prudent to get a rooster pen set up soon as well. I am hoping to observe a rooster that the chickens like, just in case I decide to keep one rooster alive over the winter.
But the noise, the dust and the annoyance of having them indoors is finally over. (house cleaning and dusting will take a disaster recovery team to get back to normal but all in time I guess)
Other Fun
Kyle's horses are finally moved back to his property. They did help the wind knock down the pen I had them in and had some fun helping make more work for me on the yard.
This is Kyle being volunteered to help clean up the yard... Just like him cleaning up his trapping stuff, or fixing the wellhead that he busted three or four winters ago. Yea like that will ever happen.
here are my new building inspectors hard at work "helping" me move the trailer so I can begin to convert it to a chicken coop
But it is summer and I am doing yardwork full swing now so I am happy! The car is in the shop getting looked at. It may not ever drive again depending on why the transmission is giving me grief at the same time the little transfer pipe blew out.
I am not a car guy I hate the damm things. I hate working on them hate fixing them and hate crawling around in the dirt to find out why it is broken. If the fine guys at Roy's tire in Ashern can get it going and not put me in the red, then I am getting the stuff to start to fix the house. Oh if you are ever up this way and you have a breakdown or need something fixed on the ol car. Go to Roy's Tire!!! I have never met a more decent honest and forthright mechanic.
Remember: good, fast and inexpensive. Pick two.
if they are good and fast, they will not be inexpensive,
if they are fast and inexpensive, they will not be good,
if they are good and inexpensive, they will not be fast.
Roy's is the last, Good and not expensive. but you may have to wait a few days. (Manitoba time you know) You better believe it though it is worth the wait!
Last Thoughts
Well so far this year is turning out kind of rough. Sort of like my roadway, all the culverts have sunk again and it is like driving around a parking lot with inverted speed bumps that threaten to turn into sinkholes. But everything bad has had the chance to take its best shot and ITS BEST WON'T DO! I am too stubborn thickheaded and mulish to allow the worries of the world get me down and keep me there.
First Shrew
Big Minnows
Happy Hope Taking over my chair
Mitza for no reason
First frog, Kiss him perhaps he is a prince?
I leave you with the new theme song of the blog:
Now that the garbage with the lies and court room is behind me I will attempt to get the blog back on a "normal" schedule As summer is when things normally get hectic here I may go back to twice a month updates for the time being again.
Anyhow I have some yard work to get to and the sun is already shining!
First off I have to say that I am so surprised with the numbers of people who are now reading my blog. Even more the people who have been asking me to post again. I have to chuckle when I see the referring URLs where some people are linking from. So to all of you who are taking an interest in my little corner of the world and my thoughts THANK YOU.
I have stated it before, when I started writing this blog the intent was to share the trials and tribulations of taking a house that was on the verge of being condemned and making it into a self sufficient home. Also the adventures of a person who grew up in the city, and who thinks that things should be like they are in the city, moving to somewhere out in the swamplands of Manitoba.
Many of you have asked when the blog is coming out next. Well here is the reasons it is so erratic. First I am waiting until after the next court date before posting so you can follow along with me as I finally find out what or who I am making death threats to. As far as I know it is the good people at Stupid People Unlimited. I know it sounds odd but I am guessing they are a political entity, special interest group, or a religious faction, or something like that. Do not worry stupid people I will not start hunting you until after the government identifies you, issues proper hunting rules and permits, as well as hunting tags, and I will endeavor to not exceed my daily bag limit in the first few hours of the season. That being said I still say we could thin the herd down a touch by removing some safety warnings and perhaps a few safety guard devices and allow nature to take its course.
The other reason there has not been any postings is that I am still enduring the unending winter that will not ever quit. That is right it is mid April and we have snow in the forecast! The yard looks like it should at the end of February, NOT mid April. This week the tops of the stuff buried in the yard and the planter out front are finally starting to show through the snow. I am missing out on my favorite part of the year, Spring. Needless to say I am somewhat depressed. Apparently so is almost everyone else in North America who are affected by this winter crap. It is rather difficult to get outside and work in the yard when everything is frozen and covered with a foot or more of snow.
Not a repeat from January this is actually taken on April 1 2013
and yes it is still snowing at the time.
Chicken Tails
I know I said I would try to keep everyone posted on how the chicks are doing. Well here it is. First because of the winter I have not been able to build the yard for them. Materials are all ready here, the location is known the building I am planning on repurposing is waiting to be moved. EVERYTHING is buried under a foot of snow!
That being said I now have 9 fully grown chickens (4 roosters and 5 hens) stuck in the tiny little pen I made for them when they were chicks. It was more than big enough when they could fit into my hand but now it takes two hands to hold one. They are easily over twice almost three times the size as when I put them in there.
They are noisy, dusty, dirty, smelly, noisy, dusty, critters. Did I mention the dust? About the dust, I had to cover off the entrance to the room they are in as I was choking on the dust in the air in my bedroom on the other end of the house. EVERYTHING is covered with dust! I clean and an hour later I can write my name in the dust.
Then we get the scratching and kicking and whatnot. This is normal for chickens to scratch at the dirt when feeding. Unfortunately when they are indoors in a confined pen the scratching means I have straw and seed and poop thrown clear across the room. The cats then track this mixture all over the house. I clean the living room carpet and floor, within hours it is covered with straw, bits of seed and whatnot and dust. I brush the cats and then they go roll around on the carpet in the living room then go roll around on the bed. Guess what I find all over my bed when I go in at night, straw and seeds and cat hair and whatnot and dust.
I am going to curl up on your pillow after I am done here.
(the box is full of the stuff the chickens kick out on the floor)
The noises, I am not sure what the chickens do when I am not watching, but I get some awful noises from them. I set up the camera and they were quiet and well behaved I recorded over two hours of them being quiet and well behaved. As soon as I took the camera away, I had fighting and sqwallering, howls and bellows, cheers and crows. I know chickens are boisterous but, well here is a list the only way I can describe what I get for noises.
1. "normal" chicken clucks and peeps
2. rooster crows
3. squawks
4. someone knocking at the door
5. the baby fussing
6. the baby just got dipped in boiling liquid and is screaming in agony
7. the coyotes are in the front room
8. they coyotes are having a fight in the front room.
9. the spray of material bouncing off the washing machine and into the living room followed by the cloud of chocking dust
The next time I see one of those survivalist people with chickens in the house I am going to seriously question the dosage of their medications. My eyes burn my lungs hurt the house has mystery smells that may take forever to remove and I will be cleaning dust until spring comes!
Unemployment Insurance Fun
If you have followed along with things relating to my old job at Mcmunn and Yates or as I am referring to it Smith and sons. You would remember that I was fired without cause on at the end of the year. In January I applied for unemployment insurance (EI). A normal application takes about three to six weeks to process. A difficult one, like mine, would normally take about 6 to 8 weeks. Last month I received a notice stating that I would be eligible for 42 weeks at $328. I was then expecting to see a check in the ol bank account at any time. After a few more weeks I finally went in and asked where my money was. After sitting there for a couple of hours I finally got to talk to the EI lady who comes to town once a week, (remember that in the real world this would be something I can do at any time) She checks on the computer and says,"you need to phone this person". We then call them up and the person, in Victoria BC, starts bitching at me about how she is so busy and is unable to phone Lakeshore school division, and doesn't know what planet they are on and so forth. I explain that I am under a restraining order to have no contact with Lakeshore School division, or Mcmunn and Yates, until after I finish the court stuff. Otherwise I would have been in the office with a very big mad on and yelled at the wonderful lady who is in the accounting office and who by law should have had that particular piece of paper in my hand with my last paycheque. I then get to fill out a form again for the third time, with the help from the poor girl in the office we make sure it is exactly the way this lovely person, who is so swamped with over 8 thousand cases sitting on her desk in sunny Victoria BC, while I have a blizzard in April warning, and a half hour drive, wants it.
Finally after enduring the whining sniveling of a overpaid government worker sitting in a cushy air-conditioned office in Victoria BC while I get to watch the snow falling in April. I head back home, just as I am turning for the remainder 5.5 km drive down my ice encrusted and drifted roadway my car suddenly looses power. I press the gas the engine races but the transmission is stuck in what appears to be first gear. Despite my best efforts to speed back up to a normal speed I limp home with the engine running way too fast and topping out at 40km/h. Pop the hood and have steam billowing out from the engine block. Yes kids the car is dead. Or for all intent and purpose dead. Either the block or the water pump are shot. I left it for the day and crawled around under the car for the next day. I cannot find what is leaking but you put water in and it pours out all over the damm uni belt somewhere around the water pump area. Why I had no ability to accelerate I do not know, but because this is a sideways mount, front wheel drive, piece of American engineering. You cannot fix it without removing the whole engine and transmission from the car. Or in short I need a full shop with hoists and engine puller equipment to change more than the flippen sparkplugs on this pile of... Fine American Engineering
Yes I miss the days when you needed a 9/16ths and 7/16ths and a 1/2 inch socket, deep socket, and box wrench, a pair of vice grips, two adjustable wrenches, a flat head screwdriver, a pair of pliers, your tire irons and jack and you could repair any thing on the car from one end to the other. Even more so was the cars would normally supply a rudimentary set of all those tools in case of emergency. Now you need a doctorate in mechanical engineering, a computer, and the internet, a full diagnostic suit, engine hoists and a full shop with half a million dollars worth of various 'one of a kind' wrenches, screwdrivers and whatnot, just to open the flippen hood! Whatever happened to "Keep It Simple Stupid"?!
with the car problems, if I can figure out
how to deal with having this in my back yard....
I may need to get one of these for myself
And yes this is what my backyard looks like at this time.
The Court Case that never ends
Just a look back at the highlights:
First, in January, I was arrested for threatening to shoot stupid people. The next available court date was on the thirteenth of January. But the police thought that perhaps if they put this off the whole thing will sort itself out.
February I was scheduled, again on the thirteenth, to appear in court. I had posted a warning that the gory details were to be announced after that date. I even set up a Auto post to go off just after I was in the court. Lo and behold I am not even on the docket! Apparently the nice person at the police station "forgot" to file the case in time! Now I am perhaps not entirely aware of the whole story buuuuuttttt..... I was arrested in January, I was case number 0000000001 of 2013. They now had 1 and a half full months to "file the paperwork" and it still was not done???
March, a few days before the next court date the fine gentlemen from the cop shop show up with my papers for the court. So off I go again but this time the legal aid person takes my information and tells me the lawyer, who is having a crisis, will get back to me. So I am adjourned yet another month.
April, My car breaks down two days before court, I am lucky enough to beg a ride from one of the neighbors out here who doesn't think I am the spawn of Satan. The Plaguebringer. The Deliverer of Darkness. The Scorn of the Interlake. Yes people out here are really warm and friendly, they love to accept new people into their midst with open arms and baskets of bounty. Anyhow, I am off topic... April the car breaks down, I get a ride into town, endure a couple of hours while the poor court clerk struggles to get the computer system working. It was almost looking like court was about to be adjourned again for another month because of a update with Microsoft windows, and whatever voice recognition software they use.
They get the poop together, the judge dude, the tribal elders, and all the lawyer people all get set for another day of Kangaroo Court. Oddly enough I get called up shortly after everything gets started. the legal aid lawyer, who I have yet to actually meet, says that she needs time to review the police reports with me and says that we need to adjourn this matter until the fifteenth of May.
So there you have it. The comparison of Manitoba time and the time of the real world. Here in LaLa land we take 5 months from arrest to having the defendant actually talk to a defense lawyer. (normal world time a few hours to a couple of weeks depending on the backlog)
At this rate I should actually get to finally find out who or what I am making death threats to and about, by spring, because I feel poorly for all those people from Stupid Peoples Unlimited, who are quaking in their boots at the mere mention of my name, waiting for the inevitable outcome.
Last thoughts
Well Kids there you have it, hence the title of this months blog. Winter is an unending saga (yes the snow is still in the forecast for this week). The chickens are making the cleaning in the house an unending saga, ( I have to dust again shortly). The problems with the car is an unending saga. The issues with the unemployment insurance is an unending saga. Finally the court case against me is an unending saga.
Also if you have read all those long winded and run on sentences, filled with interjections and "sardonic humor" you know that this episode of the Inverted Cow was also an Unending Saga! But thankfully it is over.
