August The month of hurt feelings.

Hello Friends and others. The last couple of weeks have been filled with some stress-filled days. So it is with a heavy heart that I write today's message.

I started writing this Blog to document the fulfillment of a dream. I had hoped to have people share with me in the completion of a dream from beginning to end. I wanted to make you laugh, mourn, cheer, rejoice and live with us as we progress on this journey. The dream is to take a place from the brink of destruction to the end of a place that is both beautiful and functional, a place that goes from decrepit to breathtaking, from overgrown and dysfunctional to self supporting and self sufficient. I am at the year and a half mark progress has been made, and set backs have occurred. I hope I made you, My readers and adoring public, feel. I never wanted to make a blog that was another bitch session, flamer posting or troll blog. Those of you who have read the last couple of posts may be thinking otherwise. Simply put, things are tough lately, and I try not to have it overwhelm this forum as well. It has been somewhat as it is also part of the life we have to strive against.

I believe that we were following the will of God when we took this place, we may have gotten a little impatient and jumped ahead of him a touch. But I also feel that we were supposed to move in here when we were here the first time. I find the things that resist us push me into a closer walk, and that we will prevail.

The Problem     

Stress kills dreams and everything else. Marianne, when stressed wants to deal with it the only way an alcoholic person knows. She wants to go get plastered, tie one on and hit the bar. In AA she learned to rely on friends and fellow alcoholics to get through the tough spots. Out here she has no friends or fellow alcoholics that she socializes with. Marianne is a person who NEEDS social interaction, she NEEDS to be involved with people, she MUST have friends and contacts and people she can shoot the crap with. She HAS to have volunteer projects and charity operations to keep her involved. That is how she deals with stress.

I am the opposite. When stressed I need time alone, I do not need to 'talk it through' or to 'work it out.' I need to find a quiet place and listen to nature. I need a spot where there is no one but God and I. Out here I have that. Out here I can avoid people who stress me out, I can steer clear of people who are all wrapped up in their own little world that they don't even know what nature is let alone what it sounds like. They are unable to see beauty in the purple blooms of Canadian thistle, or solace in the chirping of a thousand crickets.

Picture needed is as of yet unfound,
This will have to be a placeholder.

Back before the invention of facebook or the words 'social website' or 'Blog' I used to have a website that was where I placed random junk that I found online or got from friends. I used to have a image of a person with their head shoved shoulders deep up their backside. I had the caption under it that said "I finally can see things from your point of view" That website is long gone, and the place I got the original from I cannot remember. But I would love to post that picture right here.     

For me I love living away from people, for her being forced to be isolated from people is murderous. There are ways she can be around people and there are groups she can become involved with. The problem is with the stresses caused, particularly lately with her mom. The whole incident, while I find it laughable, she has a difficult time coping with it. (read July, of guilt trips and broken dreams to understand) She has been stressed out quite seriously because of this and she needs to talk to people. She cannot get to people and that makes it harder for her, then the old alcoholic kicks in and she needs a drink. I help her through that but it removes the peace I need here, making me stressed. That then becomes a vicious circle. (If you ever need to know what stress is, live with an alcoholic who is unable to get to a meeting or get in touch with anyone). You learn to understand the serenity prayer more and more.

When the stress is too much we start talking about "plan c". Plan C is easy we pack up and head back to Calgary, I go back to work and she has the access to a meeting anytime she needs one. We have all the conveniences that we miss back and I have to deal with stupid people. The problem is if I go back then the dream here dies, that happens and I become an dickhead of epic proportions. Plan C is the final act of defeat. When we talk about it she gets verses like: "No man who sets his hand to the plow and then turns back is of any good to the kingdom of God." I still believe that we are going to make it here and that this is just a rough spot. Only time will tell.

Talking about this plan c stuff gets me all stressed out, time to change the subject.


Other fun stuff! Or else!


Marianne did find a creative outreach for herself. It came in the form of a group on facebook called {Baby}Layette Love. They make baby stuff for the crisis pregnancy center in Winnipeg. She has been sewing all her old fabric the selvages and whatnot into receiving blankets. It is one of the few times when I have seen her humming to herself and happy as can be. She still asks me if it is ok to use or throw out stuff as we declutter the house. I have adopted the rule if I have not used it, missed it, or needed it in the last year it is not needed, used, or wanted, out it goes. Her fabric is the same way.

A load of blankets and
stuff ready to go out

Hand crocheted baby afghan
for  baby layette love

More blanket tops ready for quilting.

This weekend was the second annual family cousins reunion. Marianne had convinced her sister to go this year. She headed out Friday evening to overnight at her sisters place. They took one of the kids (her sister has 2 girls who call me uncle Art, I am still not sure about that) and off they went to the park where it was all supposed to come down. They had almost 20 people on facebook who said they would be there. It was just the 3 of them at the park. Not a wasted trip all together, as it gave Marianne and her sister some time to talk about stuff, and to bond a bit more. They even helped come up with alternatives to Plan C. Now if I can get some help making them stick it would be even better. But I guess it goes to show just how much people can stick to their word now.

This little fellow was all geared up to crash the reunion,
Instead he just pinched dinner buns from the picnic.

I have also been getting some odd jobs coming my way, considering I have never mentioned that I was looking for odd jobs it is kind of interesting that I am getting work. I have also applied to go and be a School Bus driver again, but I somehow feel that it is a b.s. job and they are pulling my chain. But that could also be influenced by events of the past.


Final thoughts!   

Last post I mentioned the loss of dreams and the storm we had out here, I forgot to post this picture of the barns from the guy down the road from us. In addition to all the knocked down trees and whatnot he lost one barn and had another shifted off its base.

This barn is flattened, The one next to it (not shown) is knocked askew

Winter is on its way and I need to get down to work on getting ready for that. On a good note the well tests finally came back drinkable. As long as I do not get another sudden downpour or yard flooding again it should be good for the remainder of the year. Now all I need to do is get it repaired. Ahh work that never ends! Also the "fence" is enough to keep the deer out and the garden is actually coming in very nicely. I may get some produce for a change.

Lastly there has been too much seriousness in this post, and I am sorry for that. I hope that things can turn around for us soon so I leave you with cuteness!

My chair so buzz off!

What? you mean this
wasn't cleared off just for me?!