July, Of guilt trips and broken dreams.

Holy cow! (pun intended!)  half an hour after the last post was shown I had  this!!!!! Our five minute rainstorm. I submitted it to the good folks at the weather network and they have it posted, forgive the ad they inserted into it, But they gotta pay the bills too.

Speaking of paying the bills, as many of you may have noticed I am a week late on this post. Well it is because we lost our internet connection for the last 16 days. Apparently if the government insurance takes its payment out of the bank they don't feel it necessary to inform you that they are doing so. So we were unprepared to have the ISP payment bounce. They, however, like being paid on time and do not mind suspending your service until they are paid. They do, however, seem to enjoy taking their sweet assed time to get you turned on again.

Unbiased plug to support the Inverted cow!  If you click the links on the "Support the Inverted cow" Page listed on the top of the blog. I get money, I can then pay the blood suckers who want it more than I do. This then prevents this sort of thing from happening again! Thanks 


(This message was brought to you by the inverted cow and the friends of seven) =o)

Now on with the show this is it........ 


How it is, and is supposed to become 


Here at the inverted cow it is my dream to make our little corner of heaven into a self sufficient little farm where we can live out the remainder of our time here on earth. Currently the place is alot run down, the house built almost between 150 and 200 years ago, is well past its prime and needs a massive rework and / or a bulldozer and a match. When we got here a year and a bit ago the place was a dump! ( See the forthcoming Calgary stories page still being worked on) 


Marianne and I wanted to make the place work using her (at the time) Mary Kay business that she has now turned into a Fifth avenue Jewelry business. I wanted to make a few sales from the farm and open a small roadway stop cafe',  all this is in motion just VERY slowly. 


Currently we have 3 major projects on the go. First is the continious repairs and renovations and yardwork that just is, it never starts, ends, or goes away. Second is our respective businesses, the online side of life, I help her post on facebook and on her blogs, I work on promoting my business and she helps out with getting the E-zine articles and other search engines sharing our work. I post on the progress here on the Inverted Cow. Just to show everyone that it actually is possable to be flat assed broke and happy at the same time. =o)  The third major thing we are working on right now is the Yard Sale. This is in part due to the abundance of STUFF that was left behind here on the yard, the stuff that we carted half way across Canada, and the stuff that we were storing for John and Lois that they no longer want.

Not only lost internet
but power for a few hours
one day.
This was the lights in the house
while the power company got
its poop together.

The repairs and renovations are something that I love to share, it lets me have a venue to pour out my first love, creative writing. The work sucks but I love to post about how much fun it is making something out of absoultly nothing. The second is what I do to make a penny or two just to pay the leaches. Lets face it only 2 things on earth are certian Death and Taxes, (here in Canada they love the second one) You spend your whole life saving for one and paying for the other.

Add the old Elvis song
"I'm all shook up"

When the internet went down for the last few days it really shook up the hornets nest here because it is Marianne's lifeline to people! And it is my line to express myself in a way that doesn't involve bloodshed.


The printer is also acting up and has been for a while, and I came to realize just how dependent I am on the word processor and spellchecker.  I had write up a bill of sale for Kyle's motorbike that we sold for him. I broke out the typewriter and it took me half a dozen different attempts to get it totally right the first time (the corrector ribbon is unable to remove mistakes)  my biggest problem is my fingers move over the keys and sometimes hit them in the wrong order so I end up with things like taht and teh, Yes I have issues with the "th" in English! Marianne came and gave me a hand and had it done in about five minutes or so.


More Yard Sale Fun!

When the temps read this hot,
you go work in a enclosed van,
You go mow the grass,
and you do heavy lifting.

Another Thermometer,
we cannot read the numbers
even when you look
at it  but you can guess for
yourself how hot it was

We joined the rest of Canada in enjoying a mild heat wave over the last few weekends. It has made the Yard Sale rather intresting, expecially on the day that the thermometer peaked out at 120 degrees, that is pushing 50 degrees C! Even the bugs were finding shade that day! I on the other hand took the time to play once again with the weedwacker that I got and go clear some overgrown grass. In the back half of the yard I have 2 old vans that are full of Bullet holes (thanks to the tennants who lived here before us) and old stuff that the folks left here, both vans leak so much of the stuff is rusty, rotten or just garbage. But I took a few days and started digging through the stuff in them to see if anything was salvagable. It was not the brightest thing I have ever done because in that kind of heat the vans were like climbing into an oven. Can anyone say "heat exaustion"? 

The vans hiding in the bush.

Climb in grab stuff, sort and move it to the approipate locations, hide in house and cool down for an hour, repeat. The one or two day project took me so far 4 days and is still unfinished. On the flip side we converted the camper into a clothing store and are having a blast. At the end of it all the local women's resource center will come out and be collecting anything we have left over for those in need. After that it goes to Goodwill or Salvation Army. Yard sale is a fun and interesting way to meet new people from the area but I really dislike the amount of time it chews up from other things I need to be doing. 

The yard sale with the new addition
"Camper Clothing" 

The inside back half

The inside front half

Guilt trips and other mind games


Before I continue writing this story I need to review my past for the 7 billion or so people who know nothing about me. (insert ominous music score here) 


My fathers third wife, Brenda, was one of those people who could always get what she wanted. She was a  controlling manipulative and heartless person who would make Satan take lessons. She was so well known that when people in our little town (population of 2000 +/- ) would hear my last name they would ask if I was related to Brenda. Upon hearing that she was my father's wife (I was un-allowed to refer to her as mother or any other way that reflected affection) I would be met with a variety of responses: The Catholics would usually start crossing themselves and saying Hail Marys, The Christians would ask Jesus to have mercy on my soul and start anointing the door posts and lintels behind me, The Aithiests would say "oh God, how do you live with yourself?"    Needless to say I rarely had any choice. 


I tell you this about Brenda not because I wish ill for her, but to give you an understanding of my experience with people who play head games. I got so good at knowing when a guilt trip was coming that I would hear the guilt trip train leaving the station and would be well clear of its path and avoid the wake of destruction it leaves long before it got to me. 


Secondly I left home somewhere between the age of 9 and 12. I ended up in the system where I was raised by people with doctorates, and who were studying to have doctorates, in child psychology. My peers were people with every sort of problem you could imagine, I had friends who went the spectrum of anorexic bulimic, to compulsive eaters who had to have there stomach stapled shut because they were so overweight that it could kill them. I knew people with no self esteem to the point of being suicidal and my best friend was diagnosed as being psychotic/sociopathic (you couldn't have any living pet around him). I saw the whole gambit of the cycles, and carnage, of every type of abuse known. Both physical and mental.  


I was taught to say "NO" and mean it. I know what my rights are as a person. I know what the meaning of abuse is and I know it is ok to say stop. I had all the above people mentioned influencing my formative years. 


Now I told you all this so that you have an understanding of my background, NOT so you can say "oh it must have been so hard for you" or so I can get any sympathy play. this is only for information. With this understanding as the background to this next story you can understand (hopefully) why I got somewhat annoyed.

THE FIGHT (?)
Several days ago Marianne's mom phoned while we were without internet, and were attacking some of the rather large projects in the house that needed to be done. I talked with her for a few minutes and she started quizzing me on the yard sale, This is something that I have said before is not the business of anyone. My finances are between me the bank and God. Unless you are one of those three people DO NOT ask me how much money I make or made! I have, in the past, politely informed her that this is not a topic to talk about. I understand her concerns as she is obsessed with money and had an unquenchable need to know every detail about everything. She has a few items in the yard sale (the total of which if sold now would equal about $40) So I can forgive her questions. The topic moved to a computer desk that she sent along. Which Marianne and I were debating on using in what will hopefully become the extra bedroom. (yard sale price $20, her half $10, for everything else there is American express) We had discussed this with her before and there was no problem. BUT since my answer was not good enough she wanted to talk to Marianne. Marianne (who I am teaching about her rights and the ability to say NO) said "tell her I am busy", which she was, as she was currently elbow deep in a weeks worth of dishes. I relayed the message that Marianne would get back to her either later this evening or tomorrow after the yard sale was finished. 


I could hear the GUILT TRIP TRAIN WHISTLE BLOW before I finished the statement! "Oh my GOD," she began,"You know I have left more important things than dishes to talk to her when she has called."


Now remember the past I have talked about... Also remember that I just finished a day working outside in the yard in plus 25 to 30 degree temperatures (that is upper 90s or low 100s to the folks who do not speak Canadian) I retorted "Sorry, I do not do the guilt trip anymore"


The reply was "this is not a guilt trip"  (insert buzzer sound here) I simply said 'good bye' and hung up, as I was now very angry and didn't wish to talk to this person any further.  The Bible (which I try to base my life on) says "let your NO be NO  and your Yes a yes!" I said NO, Marianne said NO, someplace the interpretation became "this is a 'perhaps' and therefore I should be able to manipulate them to doing what I want."


Now, because I hung up on her, she refused to take the phone call from Marianne the next day, and she had avoided talking to her when Marianne phoned again a few days later. When she did talk (I use the term loosely as I could hear the yelling outside) She berated Marianne and insulted me and my linage. This person knows nothing about my family, as I do not like to talk about them because of the comments and reactions I had when I was a kid. She is now having a pout and whine and is seeking allies to help her "win" this whole thing. 


Now remember this is all brought about because MY answer was not good enough, over a cheep walmart computer desk that is probably not worth the time it would take to assemble. (and the $10 she might make from it assuming I could sell it to one of the hillbillies out here who doesn't even know what a computer is). 


Her final words were something along the lines of "how much longer must I take this abuse?"  Now remember my past? The doctors and would be doctors who WROTE THE BOOKS ON ABUSE! literally! This woman has no concept of the term abuse (apart from physical), But for argument sakes here is the dictionary definition of ABUSE:  


From the Canadian Oxford Dictionary copyright 1998 PG 6 : 
Abuse v&n v.tr. 1 to use to bad effect or for bad purpose; misuse 2 maltreat 3 insult verbally n .... 3 maltreatment of a person 4 insulting language  


At no point have I ever abused anyone. I expressed my RIGHT to say NO and ask that people respect my feeling and position. I will not EVER force, coearse, conjole or manipulate a person against their will in any way to do something they have said NO to. To do otherwise is, in my definition, ABUSE. Remember my peers, I saw the extreemes of the fallout of abuse! I will NEVER do that to another living person no matter how much they need their teeth loosened! 


This is my final say on the matter....  Thanks for  letting me vent and bend your ear,  I can now continue with other fun and not so funny stories of life here at the inverted cow. 


Wow that is way too much reading without a cute picture of something......

Your not talking about ME? Are you?

Of Broken dreams, 


Manitoba billed itself as the land of a thousand lakes, it should bill itself as the land of a million shattered dreams. While cleaning out the sheds,and the attic and the vans here on the yard I keep finding memorabilia some of it is salvagable some of it is trashed beyond recovery. But it is when I find the reminants of dreams that it breaks my heart.  Case in point. I found some old christmas cards that had been rained on and were not much more than wrinkled pieces of cardstock. But I also found an old gas powered model airplane motor, and a Junior scientist kit. I had the exact same kit when I was a kid (Before Brenda destroyed it) and I, at one time, was a budding model airplane enthusiast. I saw the remnants of these two dreams that I shared and almost cried.  

Old dreams from someone, and me.

Memories are something that you have, good or bad, and keep the mementos of. Even if the memento is gone you still have the memory. But dreams are something hoped for, Something wished on, they are the foundation blocks of reality. Every time I find the remains of anothers dream it reminds me of the thousands of dreams that I have had over the years that will never come to pass. 


I saw our dreams of a home in Calgary vanish, I saw Marianne's dream of a successful Mary Kay business here in town fall to pieces, and I am fighting to keep the dream of our retirement home alive. People here however do not like people to have a dream, so they work diligenty to kill it. I know I can go hiking in the back woods and there is a entire settlement out here someplace that was someones dream it is nothing but a ghost town or probably just a few rocks standing where buildings were once. There are piles of metal out here where people had a home once and it is gone. all that are left are shadows of a dream, I encountered a grave marker on one old homestead site (no I didn't have the camera with me) dated back in the 1800s. Someone had lost a child of about 7 years old. The dreams that are summed up in a small slab of stone in the middle of a field out here are overwhelming. 


This year I am seeing the fallout first hand of someone killing peoples dreams. In early May the government opened the Portage diversion, This redirected thousands of gallions of water from the swollen river to one of the two major lakes here. The problem is all along the lake is one of Manitoba's major industries, Toursim. You cannot use the lake now because it is so overfull that you cannot get to the boat launches. The homes and cottages along the lake are gone. Many of them were peoples dreams, they saved all their life for a cottage by the lake the got one and retired there. But because they never closed the diversion when the river crested and the lake couldn't hold anymore they destroyed the entire economy that the lakes provide, toursim, retirement and the farming are all destroyed. All those dreams are now sitting under mud and water. Not a day goes by when I do not hear someone talking about the flooding here and how it has affected them.


Sad.


Last thoughts. 

I am sorry for all the heavy talk in this blog. But as you all know sometimes life stinks and other time it REALLY FLIPPEN' STINKS! 

Found this snake in the grass. lol
No really,  But he had a bright red belly
which I was fascinated with.

The Birds have all flown the coop now, All the baby birds are flying, except one who I think was injured in the fall because he just died on us. (not 'just' as in just now, but for no apparent reason) I said a prayer for him and buried him in the memorial gardens that I am working on building in the front yard. The good side is if we had not helped them they would have been all dead.  The adult birds have set to building yet another nest again on the side of the house.  They got mud from 2 different places as some of it is dark black and other is a tan color it makes a really neat looking nest.

RASPBERRIES !!!!
The plants behind the shed are bursting with them.
I pick about 2 cups a day from them and they just
keep giving.  Marianne eats about 2 cups a day of fresh picked
Raspberries so I do not get to experiment with cooking them lol

I made a fence for around the garden. It is not all that strong but it keeps the deer out, For now. Hunting season starts soon as the indians (natives or whatever they are calling themselves now) are stopping in and talking to me about the game in the area. Hopefully they will talk Bambie and friends out of visiting our place. 

Garden fence. Keeps the deer out,
But it is really not all that strong. 

Marianne won a 'wellness day' haircut and color and the works. She went to town and came back looking absolutly fantastic! It wasn't just the haircut and the works it was the SMILE that she was wearing that was the most beautiful thing I had seen her wear in a long time! 

Marianne and her best adornment!

She did have a chat with a friend of hers who had booked a fifth avenue show, but we postponed it because of the flooding, and yea they lost everything as well. It was hard for them to even think of looking nice when the dreams were gone like they were. 


That is about it for now and look they are forcasting rain again.... With the heat could be another night for some pictures.... better go make sure good batteries are in the camera 


Cheers! C[_]